Grief is the natural response to the loss of a relationship (as well as a being) that held a unique place in our hearts. When we try to resist feeling grief—by thinking “It shouldn’t have happened” or blaming ourselves or others—it intensifies the pain exponentially.
The weird thing is, those feelings of resistance or guilt or anger distract us from feeling the full depth of our grief—in a roundabout way, they’re the mind’s way of trying to protect us. We focus on those thoughts (in the mind) instead of the actual pain of loss (in the heart). When we can allow ourselves to feel the grief fully—which is scary, because it feels bottomless—the waves pass through much more quickly. And what remains is love.
And if you can’t stop the thoughts from flooding your mind…allow those, too. Allow that (as Eckhart Tolle says) in this moment, you’re feeling what you’re feeling. That’s okay. Grief is painful enough without adding onto it.