The Fragility of Life

The Fragility of Life

by | May 30, 2019 | Grief, Mindfulness, Pet loss

We are all such fragile beings. From the vast perspective of space, our lives appear shorter than that of a cherry blossom. We live on a planet that spins 1040 miles per hour and hurtles through space at 67 times that rate—yet we share the illusion that we are standing still (or driving, or walking). We really have no idea what this planet, this life, is all about—and the bond we form with companion animals is a portal to that mystery.

These are beings with whom we don’t share spoken language, who have no concept of human constructs, yet they can hear, see and smell things humans can’t. Cats don’t know what “time” is, yet they’re more reliable than any alarm clock. They can’t use GPS, yet stories of cats walking hundreds of miles to an old home aren’t uncommon. They don’t understand our specifically human challenges, like breakups, yet every one of us has experienced a cat’s extraordinary compassion—a word more often attributed to dogs and horses.

The feline lifespan, and that of most non-human mammals, is shorter than that of most humans, which means that most of us will outlive our animal friends. Yet even when we accept that inevitability, we still grieve the being and the relationship.

We grieve because we are here as fellow journeyers on the planet; we know the joy of embodiment—the scent of pine (or catnip), the feel of the earth beneath our feet. We grieve the unconditional love they gave us (and if they gave us semi-conditional love, we grieve that, too.) Losing a member of the household, of the family, is a significant disruption to our inner and outer lives. We call out, “I’m home” when there’s nobody to hear; we wake up with a start at 7am, afraid we forgot to put out breakfast. There’s a bittersweet moment of amnesia, and then we remember… and we grieve.

Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness

Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness

by | Mar 29, 2018 | Grief, Mindfulness, Pet loss

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.” — credited to Lily Tomlin 

One of the things that makes grieving a pet so difficult is the guilt. Should we have done something sooner? Did we wait too long? Could we have done anything more? What if we’d had more money, more time, better specialists?

I’ve heard it said that, when it comes to the end of our animal companions’ lives, we make the decision that gives us the least cause for regret. No regret usually isn’t an option.

Feeling guilt doesn’t change anything; it just makes us feel even worse. It’s the mind’s way of trying to be helpful by distracting us from emotions we really don’t want to feel—the rawness of grief and the pain of loss.

If your mind weren’t preoccupied with guilt, what would you have to feel? And how would you feel if you could know, with absolute certainty, that you did everything right?

Allow self-forgiveness. See what happens.

 

 

Photo credit: svklimkin on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA

Everybody Grieves

Everybody Grieves

by | Feb 24, 2018 | Grief, Pet loss

2600 years ago (the story goes), a woman distraught with grief went to the Buddha and begged him to revive her son. He told her to collect a mustard seed from a home that had not been touched by death, and he would indeed bring her son back to life.

The woman walked through the village, and then through another village and another, and at every home she visited, the inhabitants told her they would be happy to give her a mustard seed, but they had experienced death. As the woman listened to their stories of loss and mourning, she came to realize that there was no such thing as a home that has not been touched by death.

I love this story, because it speaks to the universality of grief. None of us is immune, and none of us (nor our cats) are immortal. The silver lining of this knowledge is that we can make the most of the time we have—in our own lives, and in our relationships with others (of all species).

No matter where we live, what our occupation, passion, political or spiritual perspectives, no matter how much or how little money we have…every one of us will experience grief. And we can allow that understanding to open our hearts, to make us more compassionate towards ourselves and each other.

 
 
 
Photo by Oleg Danylenko on Unsplash
 

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest